Something's missing.

I miss him.
I miss seeing him around school.
I miss giving him a shy smile whenever I do.
I miss the rush I get when I see him with his friends.
I miss seeing him transfer to a seat closer to me.

I miss him.
I miss how he always smells so nice in the morning.
I miss how he smells nice even in the afternoon.
I miss how my hand seems to fit perfectly into his.
I miss having stolen kisses at school.
I miss having his arm around me.
I miss how he tilts my chin up to kiss me.
I miss those kisses that I never want to pull out of.

I miss him. :(

So much has happened. :)

So sorry if I haven't been blogging in a few days. Hehe.

Even bloggers get tired with work and school, y'know. Anyway.

Things with Luigi and I are getting better.
We still don't talk much at school, we're better off just the two of us. :)

Like yesterday, we both came to school early, just a bit past 7am. We talked for a bit.
He decided to skip his Filipino class (he kept complaining how sick he was of groupings, lol); while my class was still at 10am so I had time to burn.

Let's just say, if you didn't know me (or him) any better, you'd have thought we were a couple.

But we're not.
At least, not yet. :D

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Whenever I'm with him, it just feels so right.
Like I wouldn't want to be holding hands with anyone else. :">

Awhile ago he was being so sweet. I had just come home from school and from DLSU, and I told him I was really tired. He told me to go eat dinner and then rest.
He's never been that concerned about me before, we were practically invisible to each other last sem.
It was a surprise, but a very good kind of surprise. :)

I asked him if he was sweet to everyone, and he said yes.
I asked him if what he does with me (nothing malicious of that sort, don't worry), he does with other girls, he said no.
I told him to PROVE IT.

We'll see what happens.

I don't want this moment to ever end
Where everything's nothing without you
I'll wait here forever just to, to see you smile
'Cause it's true, I am nothing without you

Through it all, I made my mistakes
I stumble and fall, but I mean these words

I want you to know, with everything I won't let this go
These words are my heart and soul
I'll hold on to this moment you know
As I bleed my heart out to show and I won't let go

- "With Me" by Sum 41

Things are getting better. :">

Today was kinda awkward. But nevertheless, better. :)

1:45pm - I still had not seen Luigi today. So when I noticed my friends where at room 403, waiting for their PolGov class, I decided to hang out while their class still hadn't started. After a while, Sir Dayuta came in and said that the were transferring to the MPH because of the 70+ students enrolled in PolGov. :))))))

So we transferred. But he and his friends where nowhere in sight. I texted him, 3 simple letters.

"MPH"

And he replied too.

"403."

They hadn't heard the news. So I went over to 403, and luckily my friend Keenee was there so it wasn't so awkward. Although when I entered the room I saw Luigi out of the corner of my eye.

"Keenz, PolGov kayo, right? Transferred to MPH kasi ang dami nyo na."

So they all wen to the MPH too. And something strange happened.

I was sitting between Ate Trinna and an empty chair. I saw Luigi sit on a seat near the wall. I went back to talking with my friends and taking pictures with them (haha, camwhore alert!), the usual things. After around 10 minutes, I saw that he was moving to another chair. So, you might wonder, what happened that made me so.. Speechless for a bit?

He moved to a chair that was one seat away from me.

I froze, my heart skipped a beat. Was this really happening?
Holey crap, it was. O_O

Sir Dayuta soon asked us to sit according to courses because we were so many. And since I wasn't even in that class, I decided to go out instead. Ate Trinna tried to stop me, but my mind was made up. And I noticed that Luigi looked at me as a passed him to get to the door.

So from that time 'til a bit before 3:30, I bummed around at 403, reading my book.
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be dum-dum.
Read read read-read read read re read-read. :D

I looked out the back door of 403 to peek in the MPH. Guess what.

He was seated next to the door.

I went out to go to the CR to fix my hair, and I saw him. Apparently he and his friends were going downstairs for a cig break. Hmm, those boys. Lol.

When PolGov finally ended, they still weren't there. So I texted him, saying that it was over. His things were still in the MPH. I wanted to bring them to the room, but I felt my gut rumbling, kinda saying that it wouldn't be too appropriate for me to do. Oh well. Haha.

PhilHis - We weren't talking to each other as usual. Once in a while, Gen would remind me that he was there. When Sir Dayuta called on his surname for attendance, my heart skipped a beat again. Omg, omg, OMG. Eventually we were sent to the library to write down a Filipino myth. Since I recalled one myth on how the banana plant came to be, I stayed in the classroom to write it instead. After submitting it to our prof, I made my way down to look for Gen and Ate Trinna. What a strange coincidence, I passed him in the cafeteria stairs. We exchanged shy smiles and went our ways.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

When I went home, my sister borrowed my phone.
I got it back around 10pm or so.

When I switched it on, I found quite a number of messages from him, telling me to eat my dinner, if I was still there, if I was still awake, and, probably thinking I was asleep, his goodnights.
I realized then that he actually was capable of being sweet. ü
I never really thought that he'd care about mundane little things like if I ate my dinner. :">

I guess he's sleeping now because he isn't answering my calls. Oh well.
Goodnight, world.
Goodnight, Luigi. ♥

I haven't been so happy this sem until for these past few days. :)

And did I mention I'm going to see him tomorrow morning again? ü

Hmmm, interesting. :D

My gaaaaahd. This morning has been very.. Well, interesting.

I arrived at school a little past 7am. Early, I know, since my class was still at 8am.
To think I even hurried my sister to get in the car when we were still at home!
And why is that? Well..

I was going to meet up with Luigi. Hehe.
We met up near the store behind school. We were the only people there.

We actually had this interesting text conversation last night. No malice, dears.
I told him that he owed me a beso because he left early yesterday. And this is what he replied:

"i will not give u a beso but a kiss on da lips,haha just kidding!"

Holey mofo, was that for real? O_O
I said it was alright if it was okay with him.
Holey wtf, he said it was alright. O_O

Anyway, back to the story. I'm straying out of the story, lol.

We both smoked a stick, and we were both quiet. His back was turned away, so I texted him, a Ü. (that's a smiley, a u with those dots, haha) He looked back and me and smiled. I could have melted right there and then. After a few minutes (haha), I finished my cig and looked at him, his back was still turned away. So I did the unthinkable. I hugged him from behind. It was a bit awkward, since we had only been texting since 2 weeks ago and I realized I had a crush on him only this 2nd semester. But I felt different after a few seconds. I felt something else. Like I was very comfortable, just embracing him from behind. It helped that he didn't push me away. (Omg, wait. HE DIDN'T PUSH ME AWAY.) He smelled very nice, and I told him so. Hehe. He really did. :)

We both sat down on the sidewalk and we were just quiet, listening to the assembly in the nearby gym. I looked at him. He looked at me. We both glanced away. (Yiheeeeeeee.) Then all of a sudden he..

Me: (looking at him)

Him: "Ano, now na? Joke." (laughs)

Me: (makes a face, speechless)

Him: "Sus, ikaw nga yung nagsabi na ngayon eh!" (laughs again)

Me: "Weh? Pumayag ka naman!" (laughs also)

*after a while*

Him: "May nakatira ba dun?" (referring to the back street near the store)

Me: "Ah, dun? Meron din.."

Him: "..pero yung iba wala?"

Me: "Yeah."

Him: "Ano, dun na?" (laughs)

Me: O_O

WAHAHAHAHAHAHA. AWKWARD. :D
Gusto ko naman din. Wahaha. Anubaaaaaaaaa.
I didn't wanna be too aggressive. Excuse me.
He should make the move! XD

During BioLab, I checked my phone for messages.
And he was actually asking where I was. For real. :O

Haaaaaaay. I can't type anymore.
The memory and the text messages are enough! :)

To end this post, I will type in one of his messages last night.

11/24/2008 6:16pm
hey yani,friends muna tau ha? malay mo it could turn out into something, hehe.

I am definitely in for an interesting semester. Oohlala.

I think I'm going to ♥ Luigi.. :D

I've done it.

I've read Twilight already.
Same day as when I borrowed the book.
I started reading it around 11pm, finished at around 3am.

Now I know why.

Here are some thoughts on some characters.

Bella - I guess all girls see a bit of themselves in her. Insecure, seeing how awkward it was during her first few days of school. But once she meets Edward, her life completely changes, quite like what us girls feel when we find love, especially TRUE love.

Edward - In my opinion he represents the perfect man. But the perfect man is not necessarily perfect. They have their flaws and mistakes, but when they find that one girl, one so unlike the rest, one who captures his heart in a way he never imagined, he loves deeply to the point that his life would be nothing without her.

Carlisle and Esme - I find Carlisle so charming. From a bloodthirsty vampire to a life-saving doctor, the head of the Cullen family is a character who is easy to love. Esme is very compassionate, and very accepting. Even though Edward was part of the family even before she was, she has an unmistakeable maternal instinct that helps Bella to feel very comfortable.

That's all I have to say for now. :)

**Ches, imma borrow the other books too, okay? ü*

I can't believe I'm saying this but..

.. I want to watch Twilight.

.. I want to read Twilight.

.. I want to know what happens to Edward and Bella.

.. I want to know why so many people are falling in love with their story.

I love this Saturday. :)

So this happened during my day.

around 7:45am - Woke up. Got ready for school. Just 1 class, actually, which is NSTP 2.

9:10am - Just a wee bit late for NSTP. Sir Navarro took attendance, gave the syllabus, then led us upstairs to the MPH where Sir Aligonero and the other NSTP profs (Sir Darwin and Sir James) discussed about or P.O.U.Ch outreach project program thingy in 2 weeks. Blah blah blah.

around 11:15am - Dismissed early, WOOHOOOOOOOOO. Went to my very very VERY good friend's house in Alabang. :) Brought a bag of Dunkin Donuts munchkins, but only in bavarian and choco honey dipped, which are my favorite munchkin flavors. And it happens to be her fave, too! ü Awwwww, we really are best friends. :)

around lunchtime - Arrived at her family's condo. Opened the munchkin bag and started munching on munchkins. Yummmmm. Talked about how things were going on at school, how things are with her boyfriend, and Twilight. She wants me to watch it with her real soon. Awwww. She even lent me her Twilight to read before the movie comes out. Thanks, love. :)

Here are the highlights of my stay there :D

1. Our indecisiveness. Lol. Go to Town or just stay at home and get things delivered? We decided to get food delievered. What fast food should we order from? HAHAHA. It took us quite a while, really. Like 30 minutes, I guess? Haha XD
2. Online delivery from McDo = total failure. We couldn't click the large fries, and when we were finally able to, it wouldn't complete the order. @-(
3. Lunchtime small talk. Well, not exactly small talk. We talked about our batchmates. :|
   
4. Games on her computer and on agame.com :D
   
5. Dark Cut. OMG!!!!!!!!!! Gross gross gross MORBID. When we got to the third stage where we had to operate on the vampire, the health level was already really low and I was scared to know what would happen if it went to zero. I hurriedly changed the game =)))))
6. Her very late realization that it was her and her boyfriend's 8th monthsary today. =))))) Super funny. She never fully realized it was their day until over 10 hours after he first implied it. XD

Super fun fun fun FUN! :)

4:30pm - She brought me home. :)

Fun fun Friday. :D

The day started out pretty normal. I only had 1 class: BioLab with Ms. Avi. Yay! :)

We did this experiment on the cell membrane (I don't wanna explain anymore XD), and there was 1 part in the activity that we had to get a blood sample. There were lancets included in our lab materials along with some needles for the lancets. O_O

Gen was OMG. She didn't even seem to notice the needle. Plus she was so calm, as compared to everyone else. So I guess because she was clam she didn't bleed as much. I had to squeeze her fingertip to get the blood out. Lol.

Alex and Nap were the BEST! Alex was freaking out even when we were just giving him the lancet and he accidentally let go of it. Laughtrip, mahn. XD

And Nap gave us the word of the period: OWTS! :D
The Bio people know why. And I have a video clip if y'all don't remember. :D

Blood blood BLOOD on slides! =))))))))

Anyway. Moving on. :D

_____________________________________________________________________________________

I was too lazy to attend the General Assembly (sorry, school), it was 1-3pm for the non-nursing. Me included.
But, good grief, am I really supposed to attend since I only have ONE CLASS ON FRIDAYS??
I thought so.

RANT ALERT. :

And did I mention that they actually DON'T ALLOW COLLEGE STUDENTS TO GO OUT OF THE CAMPUS DURING THE G.A.???? That's just fuh-reakin' wrong.
It's basically the same stuff. They discuss the rules, the guidance office, blah blah blah BLAH BLAH.
Gahd dammet.

So I just bummed around at the PR Office.
My friends Gen and Angel came, and we decided to go to 420 just to eat and chill.

Steady, really.

Camwhoreness galore. Pictures, pictures, more pictures.
But less than I expected, since Angel's cam ran out of battery. Haha. Woops.

This one's prolly the highlight:

We talked about this guy I really liked who happened to be their classmate in a subject.
Super kilig-ness, I swear! :))

I was even texting him while we were there, but he was at Greenbelt with his friends so I didn't really expect him to reply, haha.

But I was definitely thinking about him that whole time. Ayieeeeeeeeeeeee. :D ♥

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Haha.. That's all. I don't really feel like writing now. Am doing homework.
DOING HOMEWORK??
What a miracle! =)))))))))

Some kind of awakening.

I just realized that I haven't though about him for quite a while. Thank goodness school's been keeping me preoccupied..

I find myself sleeping well most of the time, but there are days when I just lie awake in my bed, late at night (or real early in the morning), thinking of what could have happened if I never met him, if I never liked him, never fell for him.. God, I miss him..

But most of all I was thinking of what could have been..

It breaks my heart that we'd end up like this, we haven't seen each other nor even conversed via text message. Well, I've actually sent him a text from time to time, but he always tells me to stop texting him.. It really breaks my heart, it shatters it to a million pieces.. It still hasn't been fully put back together in the first place.. And now's it's broken again.

I'm not completely over him yet. It hurts.

But don't worry about me, I'm on the lookout.
I'm trying to go to whatever events or parties my friends invite me to go to.

Damn, I miss him.. I just realized how much I miss him.

So I'm keeping Rascal Flatts on loop again. If you read one of my older posts, you know how much I love their song, What Hurts The Most. And that's what's on loop on my Limewire now..

The song says it all..

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' it
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still harder, getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade, give away,all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

PE 4, haha. :D

I attended my first class for PE 4 awhile ago.

We're going to be learning basketball for the prelims period. Ahahaha. I was never really good at it. They practiced shooting and dribbling. I wasn't part of it because I wasn't wearing uniform, and I was too lazy to wear it even though it was just in my bag. (sorry Sir Navarro! :D)

For the midterms period, it'll be volleyball. Another sport that I was never really good at. Ngrrrr.
Prepare for red arms. :)))

For the finals period, it'll either be kickball or soccer. Kickball is okay, but soccer is definitely my pick if I were to choose. It's the sport I'm most familiar with, and it doesn't hurt that Sir Navarro is a soccer coach. :D Wheeeee.

Wish me luck for the first two. ;)))))

Awwwwwww. :)

There's someone I really, really miss.
Like, a whole lot.

And he knows it. :)

But now he's says he feels numb and sad and he doesn't know why. Awww, sweetie. :(
Hmmmm.

Hope I can see him soon. :)

This is all because of my molar rings. :)))

I was at the library this afternoon (even before that last post I made), at around 11:30am. I was reading the first half of Lord of the Flies, I stopped because I was tired of reading. Haha lol.

I had not eaten breakfast because of my molar rings. The ortho had put them on yesterday and I could really feel the pressure of the rings when I woke up. It was pretty painful. I couldn't even eat a gummy bear. T_T So today was non-breakfast day. Came to DevPsych all groggy and I looked kinda sickly and like I haven't slept in days. Wahaha. Surpriiiiiiiiise, Ms. Tonette. :D

Anyway, back to the library. I was on my way out of the library when I saw someone with her head lying on the table, smiling happily at her cellphone. She appeared to be SMS-ing someone. What a shock when I found out it was my friend Kym. :))))) HAHAHA. I CAUGHT HER. =)))))))))

So I stuck around to talk to her, while she vented out her thesis woes. Since our classes were both at 12:30 and it was definitely not that time yet (haha), I suggested that we eat. And so we went out of the library to make the cross-country (er, cross-road would be more appropriate :D) to Select.

I had no idea what to buy since I can't exatcly eat much because of the molar rings, so Kym suggested I eat Chiz Curls instead. So I bought a bag of it, and threw in a packet of Loacker for fun. Kym bought Clover Chips and a drink. OMG KYM IS EATING!!! WAHAHAHAHA. :P

We went back to school to look for a place to munch on our snacks, and ended up staying on one of the benches near the book fair display thingy. We ate while talking and made fun of ourselves. :))) And then..

Kym: (looks at watch) Huy, 12:37 na pala!

Me: Talaga??? O_O Di ko pa natatapos yung Loacker kooooooo (stuffs last 2 Loacker wafers in mouth XD)

Wahaha. We ended up going up the stairs together with Ms. Maca, who happened to be my professor for that subject that I assumed I was late for. Heehee. :D

So mcuh for worrying about punctuality. XD

Because it's not yet 5pm. O_O

Okay. So I'm still waiting for my sister's classes to finish for today. So I'm now here at the library, checking my accounts and reading Highschool of the Dead at onemanga.com, just passing the time.

I like Highschool of the Dead, it's quite like Resident Evil. Only it happens at a Japanese high school.

Horray for blood and gore. <3
Haha, if I seem sadistic, I'm reaaaaally sorry.
It's just I have nothing to do. :D

Before resorting to this, I was reading Lord of the Flies. I didn't really understand it though, but after reading the afterword in the back of the book, it's pretty much society/the world in a smaller scale, in the form of a bunch of English schoolboys trapped on a deserted island.

Wahaha. Okay, I've had enough typing for now.

Maybe later at home.

Today.. is a day. :)))

Owrayt!!!! So here are the things that happened today.

BioLab - Another activity on Microscopy. Gen and I were partners again. :) OIL IMMERSING. Wheeee. :D Looking for plant and animal cells hurt: We only realized we could sit on the lab stools when we were halfway through the activity. WAHAHA. :P

break - Saw Mike J. shooting for the video for the General Assembly this Friday. Gaaahd. I hate these things. I probably will be absent. =)))))))

EarthSci - We were assigned topics for our reporting. Our group (me, Sr. Melanie, and *woops I forgot her name*) was assigned to the topics Plateaus, Plains, and Volcanism. We decided to split it among ourselves and I picked to research about volcanism. Ooohlala. Must find movies on volcano eruptions. Apocalypse Now? Idk. Gimme suggestions. :D

around 2:15pm - Sir Jake gives us a 15-minute break, but I ask if I can go ahead because of my ortho appointment. He says yes. Oh yeah.

around 2:45pm - Arrived at home. Just to brush my teeth. Because I ate a pack of cookies and the chocolate was sticking to my teeth. And I really am supposed to brush before going to appointments.

3:07pm - Arrived at the orthodontist. He removed my molar bands and proceeded to put these metal rings around some of my molars, I think it's to make space? And after he cemented it in place he changed my black and orange Power O's back to my usual purple ones. I asked them to make it purple again because it's the color that looks best, for me that is. After the 30-minute procedure, I asked for an excuse letter because my next class was at 3:30pm and it was definitely past that time.

around 3:45pm - Commuted back to school. Damn jeepneys and traffic. Decided to take Southland instead of Casimiro because the traffic was really killing me.

4:30pm - Arrived at school and rushed up to class. Bore in mind that I was already an hour and a half late. Good thing I asked for an excuse letter.

BioLec - Gave my excuse letter to Ms. Avi and apologized profusely. Took my seat between Gen and Ella. Ms. Avi was discussing about carbohydrates, lipids, proteins, and amino acids; cell parts, and all that. Worked on a crossword activity. Finished first, wahahaha! But since I was in a group I helped my groupmates with the other answers before passing the final output. :D

Okay, the next is probably the highlight of my day. Probably lang. Hehe.

When I was about to go home, I saw this new guy that I found cute. I approached him to ask what his name was again (I was already introduced to him but I forgot his name, what a jerk I am XD), and why he's still at school because it was already 15 past 5pm that time. He said that he was waiting for his sister. Awwww. :P

I noticed that he was doodling the Simpsons on his notebook. :P

Oh, I asked for his number and when I was on the way home I texted him to say that it was nice talking to him. ;)

Hahahaha. XD
He isn't super handsome or fantastically goodlooking, but he's pretty cute to me. :)

So this is what being single is like! Lol. What am I saying!
Like I haven't been single for such a long time! :)))))))

Hold me down, sweet and low.

Since there wasn't a prof for Philippine History class, I decided to just go down and bum around school, while waiting for my sister. I saw a friend from high school that I haven't seen for quite a while, Margot, and we caught up on things. Of course she asked on how he and I were, and I told her that he already left. And I told her it never was over because there wasn't even anything to start with. Our conversation continued, but this is what struck me:

Me: Why would he even care about me?

Margot: Why wouldn't he?

Goodness. I didn't know what to say.

It's been a while since I last saw him. Yes, I do miss him, but oh well.

Life goes on.

Sleeping patterns. :D

Awwww, dammit.

Since sembreak, my body clock has been out of order. Whacked.
No matter how I try to sleep early, my body only falls asleep at a bit past 1230am.
Good grief. O_O

And my first class every day (except Thursday, which is 10am) starts at 8am.
And I have to wake up at 6am because I hitch a ride with my little sister.
Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. O_O

Insomniatic me. Grrr.

Your arms are my castle, your heart is my sky.

'Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling
And everytime we kiss I swear I could fly
Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last
I need you by my side

- "Everytime We Touch " by Cascada

I downloaded the slow version of Cascada's Everytime We Touch. Compared to the original, techno version, this really gives justice to the lyrics. There are some poetic bits like "Your arms are my castle, your heart is my sky.", which I absolutely love. The song is a great expression of love and adoration for your special someone. It's absolutely amazing. I suggest you go and download it. :D

I would love to sing this to my boyfriend.

Future boyfriend, that is! :)))))

I can see it now.. He and I are in a private outdoor gazebo (prolly in a restaurant), under the starry night sky. While we eat our candlelit dinner a pianist plays in the background. After we finish eating, I hand the pianist a piano piece, it's Everytime We Touch the slow version. He leads me out of the gazebo and onto the grass. We slowdance under the stars, while I sing the song so only he can hear.. :)

Ayieeeeeeeeeeeeeee. :)

The problem is, I'm in love with someone I can't have. I know I'm only getting hurt, but I still feel that I love him so much..

But I guess there's always someone better. Someone who deserves my love. And it wouldn't hurt that he be goodlooking, haha! :P

I will definitely be able to move on.
I have my friends, don't I?

And it takes the right man, too. :)

'Cause everytime we touch, I feel the static
And everytime we kiss I reach for the sky
Can't you feel my heart beat so, I can't let you go
I want you in my life

I would trade, give away, all the words that I saved in my heart that I left unspoken.

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few few tears now and then and just let 'em out
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though goin' on with you gone still upsets me
Every now and again I pretend that I'm okay
But that's not what gets me.

- "What Hurts The Most" by Rascal Flatts

I could really relate with this song. It's funny how I stumbled upon it.

My friend Nica introduced me to this song by Cascada, Everytime We Touch; and I instantly loved it and so I searched for other songs.
So I downloaded..

• Everytime We Touch (Slow)
• What Hurts The Most
• One More Night
  
• Ready For Love

What struck me about the song was the lyrics, so sad and speaks of heartbreak.

And then last week, I was watching America's Got Talent season 2, and it was already the Final 4 episode.
The 4 finalists were already called out: Cas Haley, Butterscotch, and Terry Fader, and Julienne Irwin, and they all had to perform the judge's choice first.

And it just so happened that Julienne's judge's choice performance was What Hurts The Most by Rascal Flatts.

The next day, I downloaded the Rascal Flatts song. I fell in love with it right away. I was on the verge of tears as I listened, no, I felt the song. The words struck my heart like an arrow, straight and true. I remembered him, and how those 2 short months meant to me. How I loved him, but he could never love me back because of his past. It was complicated, but I wouldn't have traded it for anything.

Not for anything.

What hurts the most, was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing what could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do.

'Til forever and a day.

I miss you when something really good happens,
because you're the one I want to share it with.
I miss you when something is troubling me,
because you're the only one who understands me so well.
I miss you when I laugh and cry,
because I know that you're the one who makes
my laughter grow and my tears disappear.
I miss you all the time,
but I miss you the most when I lie awake at night and
think of all the wonderful times we spent with each other
for those were some of the best memorable times of my life.

-- Author Unknown

One of these days, you'll regret it. You shouldn't have let me go.

You shouldn't have.

You were numb, apathetic, nonchalant to me. Sure, you told me so many things. But still. You still couldn't let go of your past to see that something great was unfolding before you.

Barely 2 months. So much has happened, but yet I cared enough. I loved you despite your past, despite your present. But still, you were indifferent. And yet, I loved you enough to keep loving you.

I knew I'd get hurt. I knew that I'd be the one who ends up crying. I knew that this would be the consequences. But still. I knew you enough to love you, beyond comprehension, beyond any other love. I didn't care anymore how complicated our situation was, I wouldn't have traded it for anything else.

Do you know how much I miss you?

Yes, you were numb.
Yes, you were apathetic.
Yes, you were indifferent.
But still.
Still.

I love you.
Unconditionally, absolutely, genuinely, I love you.
Things will never be the same.

You say, you want to walk through life alone.
I say, you will never be alone.
You say, you can't get over your past.
I say, I can help you accept it.
You say, things are just too complicated.
I say, it isn't THAT complicated.
You say, you will never return my feelings.
Well.

I say, I LOVE YOU. And that's all you'll ever need to know.

Sure, we both have our lives to live and people to meet.
But you'll still mean a whole lot to me.
Perhaps you may not feel it, the distance between us is ever-growing.
Though know it, and always remember.
Always remember.

I'll never forget you. 'Til forever and a day.
♥

So what's on my mind now?

I miss him already. :(

I hope he's alright.
I hope I could find a way to make things work between me and him.
I hope we could still go to Nica's house together, so that he can play with the cats while Nica and I do our usual things.
I hope he cares for me, even just a bit.
I hope he knows that I'll be right here for him.
I hope he knows that I still love him.
I hope that he can love me back.

I still love him.
No matter how much I deny it.
No matter how I keep saying I've moved on.

8th August 2008.

If thou must love me. :)

If thou must love me... (Sonnet 14)
by Elizabeth Barrett Browning

If thou must love me, let it be for nought
Except for love's sake only. Do not say,
"I love her for her smile—her look—her way
Of speaking gently,—for a trick of thought
That falls in well with mine, and certes brought
A sense of pleasant ease on such a day"—
For these things in themselves, Belovèd, may
Be changed, or change for thee—and love, so wrought,
May be unwrought so. Neither love me for
Thine own dear pity's wiping my cheeks dry:
A creature might forget to weep, who bore
Thy comfort long, and lose thy love thereby!
But love me for love's sake, that evermore
Thou mayst love on, through love's eternity.