Once Upon a September: Chapitre Quatre - I believe.

I never knew that I would live to see terrible natural calamities to hit Metro Manila.

I lived through Milenyo, which knocked out the power lines, sent small trees flying, and brought down billboards.

And now I have lived through Tropical Storm Ondoy. The storm likened to Hurricane Katrina, even exceeding its rainfall with 410mm (that's 16.8 inches) in only 8 hours. That is probably a month's worth of rain.

I actually did not know that it caused so much damage in Marikina, Pasig, and other parts of Metro Manila until I saw the news. I thought that it was just a really bad, rainy day..

Saturday.

I was at school to attend a seminar on leadership and the 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens. I was actually hesitating to go since it was already raining, but eager to learn (haha), I attended on behalf of the entire PsychSoc (whodathunk I'm 2nd year level rep?). I went to the MPH in the Tropical Building, registered, and took a seat beside my friend Jam; the vice-president of CommSoc.

During the snack break we were happily gobbling our pancit and puto when the lights suddenly died. We heard the roaring wind and torrential rain as we tried to divert ourselves by having a few games, headed by the speaker, Luigi. A few minutes later, Sir GJ said that we would have to transfer venue - the MPH at the College Building across the street. As we went down the stairs to the Tropical Bldg. parking lot, we noticed.. Tropical Avenue was more of Tropical River already, with the water even reaching to where the tricycle station was. GOOD GRIEF, how were we supposed to transfer? O_O Good thing there were shuttles to bring us there.

Back to the present.

I am now listening to Astrud Gilberto and at the same time talking to by best friend Cid while wondering what to type next into this blog. :D

Ah, here we go.

I believe that Ondoy came for a reason. To remind us that with all these plans and laws on protecting the environment, failure to realize this in forms of policies and advocacy for disaster preparedness results in times like this, where people have been greatly affected and devastated by a tropical storm. WHAT MORE IF IT WAS A TYPHOON?

I believe that the fortunate should help. We were fortunate enough to have our homes still standing, our water still running, our food supply still sustainable, out internet access still accessible. Why don't we do something and help by donating canned goods, drinking water, clothes and other items for the affected. Schools and other organizations, even individuals, have been volunteering and soliciting help in the form of usable goods and other means to help the affected. THE LEAST WE CAN DO IS HELP.

I believe that the Filipinos are, and will always be, the race of the brave. During these troublesome days we have witnessed heroic acts. People who braved the floodwater to save not only themselves, but others as well. 6 military men have perished saving those who needed help. A mother grieved over her son who died in the floods but is proud of him for saving 30 people before he did. A judge who saved over 100 people on his jetski. These selfless acts have shown us that there is still hope for the Filipino people. If these people were brave enough to help others rather than themselves, then we can be brave enough to pull ourselves out of the slump and show the world how we really are - A NATION WHO CAN WITHSTAND EVEN THE WORST OF STORMS AND STILL HOPE FOR A BETTER FUTURE.

Let Jericho Rosales and Gerald Anderson (and his brother too) be examples to all of us.
They were selfless enough to brave the raging flood to save others.
We should at least be selfless enough to help the affected.

I believe that the government, as well as other politicians, should shape up, and that the budding presidentiables should prove themselves before actually running. If they can spend so much on early campaigning, on motorcades in different areas of the country, on expensive trips abroad to watch the latest Pacquiao fight, on expensive dinners in New York - can they spare a portion of that vast sum to help the people who need it most right now? Can they spare some cash for the thousands who have lost perhaps all they possess except a few pieces of furniture and clothing, and a Santo Niño? CAN THEY, FOR ONCE, DO SOMETHING RIGHT AND BE SELFLESS ENOUGH TO CARE FOR THE PEOPLE THEY ARE SUPPOSEDLY SERVING?

I believe that the Philippines will find the silver lining in this obnoxiously enormous gray cloud, and pick up the pieces and rise up again in this world.
I believe that we will clean up our reputation as a corrupt nation and that we will find it in ourselves to be better than ever.
I believe that we will live another day, another week, another month, another year.

I believe that God is trying to tell us something.

I believe.
I believe.

I believe.
And you should, too.

Once Upon a September: Chapitre Trois - Studio Ghibli is ♥ (a break from the heartache)

What I'm feeling now: How surprising, I haven't thought about you that much today. I still love you (I promised, didn't I?), but I don't think I'm in love with you anymore.

Things have never been the same. Nowadays, when I'm not feeling depressed, I feel lethargic, and because of the erratic weather, migraines sprout up now and then. But then again.. I have more time for myself and for the things I love to do!

For example..

Hayao Miyazaki films!

If you've paid attention / are paying attention to my status messages, you know that I've recently been appreciating Studio Ghibli films.Studio Ghibli is a Japanese animation film studio (here's a link to the Wikipedia article for it), founded by acclaimed director Hayao Miyazaki.

Now back to the movies! (haha)

So far, I have watched (in order of viewing :D) Princess Mononoke, Ponyo on the Cliff by the Sea, Spirited Away, Howl's Moving Castle, and Kiki's Delivery Service. They are all amazing movies in their own special ways.

Princess Mononoke - I like how it depicts the struggles of supernatural beings (spirits, demons) with the humans who live and consume their environment. How they showed the boar spirits actuall creeped me out, and when the boar god Okkoto got consumed by the demon, that really FREAKED me out. You have to watch it to believe it, haha!

Ponyo on the Cliff by the Sea - This hasn't shown in theatres yet, even though the original one was released last year. I love this because it shows the innocence of childhood, as a little goldfish girl named Ponyo who meets and befriends a human boy, Sosuke. (Fun fact: Ponyo likes HAM. :D) If the plot won't get to you, the mere cuteness of it all will! I don't know about you, but I like cuteness. :>

Spirited Away - Chihiro's adventures in the spirit world to save her parents (who unfortunately transformed into pigs) kept me on my toes. I did not dare pause the movie because I was so engrossed with it. I like the bathhouse parts because you could see all the different spirits and supernatural beings who came in to relax and soak in warm bath water. I loved the English dub because it sounded, well, right. Not like..

Howl's Moving Castle - I think they could have done a better job in the voice casting of Howl. I mean, CHRISTIAN BALE as Howl? That's crazy. I think that Howl is actually a very good (and quite jolly) person, even taking in Markl off the streets after Markl's parents died. Putting that aside, it's a heartwarming film, with the power of love as one of its main themes, as Sophie learns to love Howl despite his reputation as a mysterious wizard who eats the hearts of beautiful girls.


Kiki's Delivery Service A wonderful coming-of-age tale of a young witch-in-training and her journey from reliance to independence as she sets off to find a town where she can stay and hone her skills, because when young witches turn 13 they must leave home for a year, as tradition says. I liked that her black cat Jiji wasn't just a plain cat, it was a talking, witty, cat!




The next film on my list? MY NEIGHBOR TOTORO, possibly Miyazaki's most famous work!

Fun fact: In the TV show Avatar: The Last Airbender, Aang's pet sky bison, Appa, is actually based on the Catbus in My Neighbor Totoro for its design. And yes, I am also a big fan of Avatar. :D



It's nice to have a diversion from the stresses of life. ♥

And I am now officially moving on :)

Once Upon a September: Chapitre Deux - Bring on the Heartbreak (and Heartache)

What I'm feeling now: I am CONFUSED - I hate him but I still love him, I know I don't want him but I feel that I still need him. He's my best friend but he's the one who broke my heart into a million pieces when he promised he'd be the one to keep it together.

A couple of nights ago.. I was online on MSN, talking to Mallika (my one and only Belgian friend, how I love you so).. And while I did, I felt tears running down my cheeks. My delusional boyfriend, Chris Pine (yes, THAT Chris Pine, thankyouverymuch) wiped my cheeks with a handkerchief, and hugged me tighter than usual. We (Chris and I) talked to Mallika and Milo (Ventimiglia, yes, THAT Milo Ventimiglia). She knew I was hurting and the conversation quickly transformed back into real life.

After I went offline a little later (Internet was being really stubborn and crappy), I got ready for bed. Thinking I was okay, I laid myself on my bed, and closed my eyes.. But I couldn't get to sleep..

..I was crying again, but the tears were more torrential. I seriously thought I would be okay, but I guess the pain was too much for me to restrain. I knew the tears would come, tonight was the night the inevitable would happen.

I cried because I was hurt.
Because the one I loved the most broke my heart.
Because he promised me forever and a day.
Because he seemed to fill that hole in my heart.
Because he knew me the most.
Because he was my best friend.

..because I still loved him.

I thought it was time to let someone else know. I picked up my mobile phone, and scoured my phonebook for a friend. It was quite the unholy hour, perhaps around 2am. My heart was breaking and I knew I couldn't face it alone. I found a name, an old friend from a church in Manila that my family used to go to (we still do, albeit occasionally). Not knowing what to say and still in tears, I pressed the Call button.

He knew I was crying and he told me he was just listening. I couldn't talk, I couldn't breathe. I just cried because it was the only thing I thought I could do at that time. I was drowning, slowly drowning. I hung up a couple of minutes later.

I still felt like I had to tell someone.. I scoured my phonebook again, and I came across a name. It was a fairly new friend, from the church my family currently attends. He was someone older than me, and I admit I was hesitant to tell him.. but I did. (Over text this time. I seem to have more to say / talk easier over text. Strange, I know.) I ended up falling asleep, exhausted from crying.

I woke up the next day with puffy eyes, and it stayed that way the whole day.

And today, I realized..
..it's going to take a while. For me to forgive him, for me to stop being angry, for me to pull myself out of this depression.. For me to move on and live life again.

But in the back of my mind, and in a little quiet and empty space in my heart..

..I still love him.
I always have.

I'm waiting for the day when I can laugh wholeheartedly again. That day when I can laugh without pretensions, without fear.

(But then again, in this photo.. I was just making myself laugh. XD)

Once Upon a September: Chapitre Une - A Surprise Visitor

*note: copy-pasted from my Facebook notes since I wrote it there first. :D*

______________________________

Wednesday, September 9, 2009 at 3:15am

What I'm feeling now: I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE, YOU'VE BEEN BREAKING MY HEART FOR THE PAST MONTH WITHOUT APOLOGY OR EVEN A TEXT OR EMAIL OR IM. Geez. It's over.

This past month has been so much stress and emotional warfare, that for the past couple days I have been nothing more than a hollow shell, only to be filled with depression; as well as experiencing a drop in self-esteem. What would make one feel more unloved by being ignored by the one person who promised he would love you forever.

Shame on me for believing you. And to think it was your birthday a few days ago.
Tsk tsk.

But today one of my foreign friends happened to be online on MSN (how I love you, MSN.) and I told him about it. It was quite the lengthy conversation and I'd rather not divulge the entire thing.. Although I will post a bit for your viewing, er, pleasure. XD

_____

Thomas says (12:08 AM):
i want to show how beautiful u are

Marianne says (12:08 AM):
thomas
i really wish you were here

Thomas says (12:09 AM):
what woud u do if i was

Marianne says (12:11 AM):
i would hug you so tight, and cry until my eyes get red

Thomas says (12:12 AM):
dont cry babe
hes not worth it
i wanna look into ur eyes
tell u everything will be alright
_____

I was pleasantly surprised. Someone new had come into my life, and although he was thousands of miles away (he's Irish, huzzah! okay, bad joke lol) he was telling me that everything would be alright; though I had cried for over an hour then.

My eyes were all bloodshot and slightly puffy from crying (yuck, I know) but then again.. I really couldn't help crying. It was too hard to accept that the one I loved the most would just leave me hanging, with no reassurance or hope that he was coming back. I didn't even understand why he left in the first place.

For some reason fate brought someone new to me, someone who would give me even the slightest glimmer of hope, that I would bounce back from this heartbreak feeling so much better. Someone who made me feel so much better, I would get on a plane to Dublin in a heartbeat. (That is, if I had the money. Of course.)

A dear friend of mine taught me something very important:

Never give up in faith and fate.

So I guess things get better and brighter, after all.

Thank you, Thomas. I owe you a whole lot.

Someday I'll find a man who'll make me feel like this everyday.
Like I'm jumping for joy, extreme happiness, and/or bliss. Whichever amounts to that.

P.S.
Special thanks to Ate Abbi and Kym. You two have inspired me to write again. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I hope to see you soon!

Extra special P.P.S.
To my best (and only) Belgian friend, Mallika D'Huys: You have been such an angel. You knew about this first. Words cannot really express how much I am grateful that I have a friend like you. Thanks for being my best friend waaaaay back in 1st year (SUHS, huzzah! XD) and I am also grateful that you are still one of my best friends today. Come back soon, okay? Bring Milo! Chris and I will be waiting. ♥

A quick update. :D

Rebekah's debuspedida was a great night! :)

Met 2 wonderful guys who made my night more memorable. :)

♥