I don't know what to do.

Is it just me, or are my parents making my life a lot more miserable?

1. My mom won't let me LEARN how to drive. GOD, I'M ALMOST 18. Are your panties on too tight or something??
2. My dad wants me to get off the computer by midnight. GOD, IT'S SUMMER AND APPARENTLY YOU HAVE NO INTEREST IN MY SOCCER PLANS. AND IT'S FUCKING SUMMER ALREADY. Get on with the program!

They are so living in the past. I HATE IT.

'Til whenever.
♥

I'm craving for..

..chocolate cake.

..double chocolate cake.

..moist double chocolate cake.

..gooey moist double chocolate cake.

.. fudgy gooey moist double chocolate cake.

..really fudgy gooey moist double chocolate cake.

..really REALLY fudgy gooey moist double chocolate cake.

I WANT CHOCOLATE CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE. :D

*OMNOMNOMNOM* I will save up to buy cake of my ooooooown O_O
Or at least, a lot of chocolate. Nyum nyum nyuuuuum!! :)

That is all, thankyouverymuch. :D

'Til tomorrow.
♥

Realizations and random ramblings.

There are some people that, once you let them go, will never come back.
But once in a while, someone whom you thought you let go of, finds a way back to you, for some reason.

It is obnoxiously hard to find someone who would love you no matter what.

Summer started early this year. The heat, that is. xD

The best way to waste time is to sleep.

Sometimes we deceive ourselves in order to shield from hurt.

I salute the inventor of Nutella - it has healed broken hearts countless times. Including mine.

I also salute the inventor of instant soup (just add water). My jaws are grateful.

I don't understand why we must learn so much complicated math but then have no practical use unless you are in the field of architecture, etc. Quantum physics and thermodynamics in everyday life? Geez.

There are times when you think you've felt real love, until one day someone special comes and completely changes your view on everything.. And that's a good thing.

I am scared that I will not be a good mother in the future.

The Fairly OddParents keeps me sane.

'Til tomorrow.
♥

Nummy num nums. xD

I am eating lemon cake, therefore the title. xD

It's been a while since I blogged. A lot has been going on, the highlight, probably is Zach.. :>

Everyday I wake up, I feel blessed that I have been given such an amazing man. We may be thousands of miles away, but somehow, the love shines.. It's amazing.

Last Saturday night, I went to my cousin Ian's birthday party at Hai restaurant, and, let's just say, the alcohol kind of got to me. There was this certain guy I really liked, and in the end, I kissed him goodbye. On the lips.

I told Zach almost immediately, through an SMS, the guilt was killing me slowly. I betrayed his trust. I broke a promise. But to my surprise, I received his reply:

I absolutely don't hate you, babydoll. Everybody has needs, Marianne.

I didn't understand how he could be so calm, after what I did.. :"(
Some more replies from Zach:

You really shouldn't hate yourself.. the test is if I lived around you; would you have kissed that guy? And this doesn't have to be the end, M, it is but the beginning. I still love you. Always.

I cried after reading that. I felt like I was at an all time low, yet I still had someone who would love me no matter what. I don't deserve him, yet he sticks with me..

We'll get through it, honeybunch. Don't you worry. It hurts but I'll get over it; it's not like you wanted to. I love you, Marianne.

It breaks my heart to know that I hurt him like that.. :""""(

I still trust you, hon. Don't wish that upon yourself. I love you through and through, and without you. My life would be empty. Completely. Don't you worry a bit,dearest.

How often do you find someone who loves you unconditionally even though you hurt them with a stab to the chest? Certainly not often.. I hoped he would forgive me..

I absolutely forgive you, babe. I really, really appreciate the honesty; and I'm the same way, I could never lie to you.. it'd eat me up inside. Don't cry though, honeybunch. I love you soo much. We're all but human.

I told him that it gets very lonely.. The distance slowly kills me, eating me up from the inside..

It kills me too, doll.. but we can withstand the test of time, I believe. No matter what. But I'm so glad I can make you feel wonderful; because it's really amazing to feel true love.. you make me so happy. And you do make it up.. by loving me just the way I am.

I love him. :"")

'Til tomorrow.
♥

So this is unconditional love. :"(

I feel terrible for betraying Zach's trust.

I don't deserve to be loved again, yet he takes me back as if nothing happened.. I did something that potentially ruined my relationship with Zach, yet he still loves me and forgives me..

Is he for real? :( Because I hope he is.

He says he isn't angry or mad, only hurt.. But still, he says that we can get through this.. I really don't feel like I deserve him. He's AMAZING. I can't believe we found each other.. :""(

So this is unconditional love. :"(

My dad is being very.. GAAAAH.

I HATE HIM FOR SEEING MY FAULTS WITHOUT SEEING HIS OWN.

WHAT I'VE DONE WRONG IS NOTHING COMPARED TO HIS LIES.

I HATE THIS DAY.

First of all, I was forced to sing by Ate Trinna.
And I just made an embarrassment of myself on stage.
My voice was cracked, I was shaking all over.

NERVOUS WRECK.

After I was done I crouched over in my seat and started picking on my fingers. One of them bled.
I was crying.

I DON'T SING SOLOS.
ESPECIALLY IN PUBLIC.

I only sing in band settings.

He's amazing.

He accepts me for who I am.
And I accept him for who he is.

I love you, Zach. Forever.

I just watched Juno. I LOVE IT ALREADY. :]

'Til tomorrow.
♥

HAPPY ONE WEEK TO US.Ü ♥

5th March 2009.

It's the best day of my life.
I talked to you again, and I told you how I really felt.
Imagine my surprise when you told me you felt the same way! :)

I love you, Zach.
I can't imagine how I lived without you.
And now I can't imagine life without you.
♥

_____

the name's Marianne. says (12:31 AM):
Honey, it's 12:31am here.

the name's Marianne. says (12:31 AM):
HAPPY ONE WEEK, ZACHARY ALEXANDER BROWN GREENLEAF. I love you more than you will ever know. :)

Zach says (12:34 AM):
:) HAPPY ONE WEEK, MARIANNE JANE JALANDONI RATERTA. I love you so much more than anyone could ever imagine.
_____

One week down, forever to go.ü

'Til tomorrow.
♥

Save me, I've been feeling so alone.

All of a sudden I feel lonely.

Z can't come online, he isn't feeling well. Neither am I, but I'm online anyway.

Damn.

Oh, fuck. I just fuckin' remembered.

THE SINGING CONTEST IS ON FRIDAAYYYYYYY.
muddafuck.

I'm nervous, scared, excited, worried, scared, apathetic, SCARED.. Dammit.

I dunno what else to say, really.

Plurk me, people!

http://www.plurk.com/marianner06

I miss you, Z.

'Til tomorrow.
♥

Have you ever felt BLESSED?

Well, I have.

I am very thankful nowadays, things have been looking up.

I told my very good friend Zach what I really felt about him, that every time I told him I loved him as a friend, deep inside, I loved him more than that. What surprise I felt when he said he felt the same way! :)

Loving him has been the best decision I have made. I am so blessed to have him. He may be miles away (Oklahoma City, to be precise), but I feel his love nevertheless. Thank you, technology. Zach and I chat every night, and send SMS messages in between.Yeah, we do have to spend.. But as long as he and I are in touch, I am perfectly fine with it. :-** I love you, Zach..ü

I am also thankful for his sister Ashley, that she is alright with her brother and I having a long-distance relationship. Lovely girl, she is. :)

I am thankful for 2 of my best friends, Toni and Cid, for taking time to have a YM conference with Zach and myself. They both say that he is really nice and sweet. I especially would like to thank Toni for getting along extremely well with Zach. They have things in common, like an interest for mythology and philosophy. I had the very strong feeling that they would click and get along, and I was right! I love you guys. :)

I do feel very blessed. Things seem to get better.

Thank you Lord, that after all the adversity, you shower me with blessings.
And these blessings are the people who love me for who I am, quirks, imperfections, and all.

'Til tomorrow.
♥

Conversations. ♥

Zach says (12:45 AM):
I love you. So much, Marianne.

the name's Marianne. says (12:45 AM):
I love you Zach. More than anyone else I loved.

Zach says (12:47 AM):
I trust you fully with my heart, babe. And same here. More than anyone else. This is on a different level.. and I didn't think it was possible.

the name's Marianne. says (12:50 AM):
I never thought that true love could be so far away.. But I don't care anymore. I have you, and you love me. It's enough for me, love.

Zach says (12:52 AM):
I never thought it could be either.. but I believe we were absolutely meant to be. We both started missing each other around the same times.. I love you so much.

the name's Marianne. says (12:54 AM):
I love you so much.. I never expected to love this way again. Everytime I fell in love, I'd end up being the one getting hurt. Things have changed now. I think my heart is rebuilding itself again..

Zach says (12:56 AM):
I love you so so much. I hope that I can help rebuild your heart. It's precious, it doesn't need to be broken anymore.

_____

I love you, Zach. With everything I've got.
You're my everything.

'Til tomorrow.
♥

A vehicular mishap.

I was crossing the road from Wilcon Depot to Toyota, then I saw that I was clear to cross.

This car came and bumped me! >:((((((

He already saw I was coming and still he went on! Good thing he braked and hit my left calf only. I was blank, with no reaction.

But when I rode the trike going to school, my calf started to ache.

Spent the afternoon with Diego and the rest of D/C.

My leg felt better, but as we went to Town, I felt the sharp pang again.

When I was on the way home, that's when it started to bother me very much. VERY VERY MUCH. :((((

It's difficult for me to walk properly.. :(

'Til tomorrow.
♥

At last.

I am in love again.

With a really good friend of mine. :)

'Nuff said.

I love you, Zachary Alexander Brown Greenleaf. :)

Te extraño mucho. ♥

You know what?

I miss him. A whole lot. :(

He's been terribly busy.. And I understand. But it only makes me miss him a lot more.

The last time I saw him was 14th February. And since then, I've been thinking about him every day.

Yes, my best friend tells me to move on.. But I can't. She, of all people, should know what it feels like. How can you just move on and forget about someone whom you've loved for so long? Tell me, then.

I do hope he can come to my birthday. I'm really hoping it happens.

_____

Yani, admit it.
Should I?
Yes, you should.
Can I?
Yes, you can.
I love him.
Do you, really?
Yes, I do.
Do you want to be with him again?
Yes, very much.
How long have you loved him?
Ever since the day I met him.
What do you remember about that day you met him?
It was raining, and classes were suspended. We were on the bus home together.
That's nice.
Yes, it was. Very..

Do you miss him already?
More than he will ever know.
And do you love him?
Yes. More than he will ever know.

_____

We met that fateful day.
I lost him over the summer of 2008.
He found me again last month, after I was living life without him.
I felt better than ever when he found me again.
And this time, I'm not letting go easily.
Not this time.
Not anymore.

'Til tomorrow.
♥

Now at home. Wheeee.

My throat is itchy and I am coughing every few minutes. Awww. :(

Tuesday was so super fun, though! :D

Photoboothed on Kym's MacBook. AHLAVEEEET! :D

My favorite picture out of the bunch.
(L-R: Me, Kym, Gio, Mei, Javi)

I met a new friend, Mei, who is actually a friend of my batchmate Diego. I eventually got recruited by her highness to the D/C cause, and therefore, inducted into the Royal Court. Karl gave me the name Whorehouse Madam, but since I complained that my dignity would be thoroughly disintegrated and vaporized, we settled on the title Lady Marmalade. :D

Went to Jaia's house to hang. Had kind of a mini-photoshoot of sorts, with the Lady Marmalade, the Mad Duke, and the Dark Knight; with Her Highness at the camera. :D

Wished I could jump in the pool, but NOOOOOOOOO. I had no extra clothes. O_O

Unbuttoned the top button of my blouse, borrowed Karl's shades, and found a long dried leaf to use as a pretend whip. YES. In character, hurrah! :D

Left ahead because I had a long test in Bio. Finished in under 15 minutes. OHYESSSS. xD

I can't wait to see the photos!ü

Now I have to ask my parents for the 800 pesos for buffet payment for D/C.

Plus, I have to go find and purchase the following for my Miho outfit for D/C: black satin, blue patterned trim, and red undies. YEAH-YUH, red undies. xD

I'm STILL sick. wtfomg.

Yes, I'm at school today.
Yes, I was absent yesterday.
For the past few days, I've been having on-and-off sickness. And I dunno why! WTF.

Fever, and allergies at first. And starting yesterday..
COUGH. Geez. What more can I ask for. T_T

I don't really have much else to say except..

GEEZ.

I'm still sick. Wtf.

A 38.5-degree fever. And now my stupid allergy is acting up and I can't breathe properly. Fuckin' shiiiiiiiiiiiiit.

So I can't blog properly as well. Oh well.

Oh I have a Plurk account now! Yay! :D

All for now.

'Til tomorrow.
♥

No estoy sintiendo bien ..

I'm not feeling well.. :(

And it's not just because it's my time of the month.. Oh well.

Last night, I read Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman. I was a bit hesitant to buy it yesterday, but now I don't regret anything. :)

It's basically about Fat Charlie Nancy, how he copes through the death of his father Mr. Nancy who is actually a god. He is the god Anansi the Trickster, who comes in the form of a spider (although he is also sometimes a man in form, or a combination of both). Fat Charlie then finds out that he actually has a brother, named Spider. the novel follows the brothers as they discover their common family heritage.

I'm not very good with book reviews, but I can try, yeah? :)

I'll read it again some other time. :D

When I came home I started reading it. I couldn't put the book down, it's quite the enthralling tale! I read all the way through dinner and so when I was done, I was REALLY REALLY HUNGRY. :D

I tried to fill up my tummy with cereal, but then I just ended up puking it out (eeww, I know) and deciding that I should just go to sleep. O_O

GAAAAH. Oh well.

I miss K already. :(

'Til tomorrow. (Yes, I feel like blogging again! :D)
♥